The biggest thing that I think makes me a "failure" as a mom is the fact the B is in daycare 2 days a week yet I call myself a SAHM; can I even call myself that since he is in daycare? I joke to people that he is in daycare so that I can have my sanity days but the reality is those days are crazy for me & fun for him; he is there for the learning aspect of daycare but also for the social interaction that he gets with other kids. I felt so blessed & thankful when my boss at the time told me that I could bring him to work with me; I thought "who could ask for a better scenario, right?" Well when B was colicy all the time NOT just at night & it was at about 3 months old when I really started to have the biggest struggle with balancing getting work done while still caring for my amazing little guy...........at about 4 months I could no longer handle both & we decided that something had to change & that is when B entered daycare. When we 1st put him in daycare we looked at several different places & fell in love with the Goddard School; that is where we enrolled him & where he has grown & thrived ever since. When we made the decision for me to be a SAHM we debated whether to remove him completely from a place that he loved & was thriving at or not & our final decision was to keep him going there for 2 days. Even though Lance & I agreed on this together; this decision made me feel like a failure at something I hadn't even started doing.
I think that Lance thought that B should be in daycare 1st & foremost for the social interaction but also because he is not really around much to help out like a normal husband would be with a 9-5 & weekend off type job. Lance leaves the house at 7am & doesn't get home usually until around 8pm so he misses out on just about the whole day with our little guy; I know that there are single moms out there that do the mommy thing all by themselves day in & day out.....24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 a year & their kids turn out perfectly but I think that my hubby sees me being a married mommy that in reality is kind of a single mommy as something that daycare helps out with somehow & don't misunderstand it really does help me out tremendously BUT shouldn't he be home with me since I am home?
I do not spend my 2 days away from my little man out partying with the girls or shopping; my "2 days off" are spent in our home scrubbing, organizing & cleaning the house, running errands, lately preparing for Colton, going to prenatal doctor appts. & occasionally I will get my hair done &/or get my nails & toes done (but that is a rarity too). I know that most of these things could be done with B at home with me or when Lance is at home but again that is really only Sundays & that is our family day so I really don't want to spend that precious & very important family time cleaning & running errands.
I have been talking to Lance about taking B out of daycare but he is kind of set against that all together & has actually been talking about B going 3 days a week soon since Colton will be arriving in 8 weeks & he thinks that it will be good for all 3 of us. I see where he is coming from but boy when he brought this up did I feel like he thought I was a huge failure & couldn't handle being a mom. I know that he really doesn't feel that way & I am not seeing the rational side of what he is saying because I am emotionally & physically exhausted due to the fact that I am pregnant & not sleeping AT ALL but still it hurt me to hear him say it.
We are both very worried about how B is going to react to Colton's arrival & we are both worried about changing anything (like removing him from daycare) at this point in time & would really like to keep him in his routine as much as humanly possible once C arrives so that he doesn't feel like the baby has made everything change & he feels left out or neglected in any way. We do understand that there will of course be an adjustment period but we would like for it to be a smooth process & not one filled with unnecessary changes. I began looking at different things a few months ago & my hope was to have B out of daycare & into some local play groups but that has been a whole different challenge.
I am not sure if I am socially retarded when it comes to meeting or talking to other moms but I really have had a difficult time finding groups that fit our schedule (maybe I am just being too picky?). I told Lance that I will try to find some playgroups for B, C & I to join so that I can still ensure that B gets his play & social time but honestly it really has been a struggle & easier said than done. I really can not stress how much we believe social interaction & play time with other children is at his age & (not to mention) I was also hoping to meet some other SAHM's BUT (& maybe it's just me) finding a play group to "try out" that fits our schedule has become really difficult & I would any suggestions on how do find groups for kids B's age?
All in all I guess I just needed to get these feeling & emotions out of my head & on paper so I could in turn figure them out. I am sure that there are people that will cringe at our decisions & have there opinion's regarding our choices; so be it but I would really just like some/any helpfully suggestions & not criticism since I criticize & question myself enough!!
Been there and still there. All of those feelings will never change. Think of it this way, if you had B home all the time with you and you had one night out with friends to have a well deserved break, wouldnt you still feel guilty? No matter what you do, you will always feel guilty if you aren't with your babes 24/7... its a moms nature and its perfectly normal. But you should enjoy time alone. Sounds like you are taking on a lot of responsibility around the house and while you could do it all, if you have the offered help why not take it? You are a great mom, and B DEFINITELY needs interaction with other kids so just remember that!
ReplyDeleteOk, first of all you are an amazing mother!!! No doubt about that, I don't even know you face to face and I know you are a wonderful mom.
ReplyDeleteSecond, I agree that its nice for kids to have play groups, Social interaction of some kind even if it daycare.
I long to be a SAHM more than I can say. One day I will make it happen, I promise myself. However. Right now Cooper goes to Mrs. Janet's 4 days a week. I feel bad making him go there but he truly LOVES it. He doesn't cry when I leave he says "YAY" when we get there. I know he's happy and loved and he's getting what he needs. I feel guilty not being with him all day but I know God would push me that direction more when its time.
I can't fix your questions or concerns but I can say from one mom to another, that as long as you think hard and then make a decision, pray about it and ask for God to help point you in the right direction, that you will be making the decision that was meant to be made. You are putting your son first or else it wouldn't be so hard to make these decisions. Your a fabulous mom. :)
I wish I lived there and we could have play dates. I think our boys could be best friends. They would get into all sorts of troubles I'm sure but hey that's a boy for you :)
Mitzi, you are an amazing mom! Sending B to daycare is good for him for the exact reasons you and Lance are doing it! And he loves it, so don't question it!
ReplyDeleteDo you all go to a church? That's the easiest way to meet other moms with kids the same age who have similar interests, and often churches coordinate play groups/mom groups. Otherwise, maybe story time at your closest branch of the public library or if you go to a park at the same time regularly, maybe other families who do the same will catch on and bond.
I know it's hard to see when you feel so emotionally attached to the dream in your head of perfection, but you are doing a perfect job at being a loving mom and trying to do the right thing for your family. It may be different than what other families do, but that doesn't make it wrong!
Thanks for stopping by:) I'm now following you on GFC!
ReplyDeleteCan you do me a favor and try following on GFC again? I'm not seeing you on my list. Thank you!
http://theoliveparent.blogspot.com/2011/03/welcome-bloggymoms.html#comments
It's rough when you have to send your child to daycare, but you do what you have to do. My friend who is a stay at home full time and she has a babysitter come in every day just so that she can get writing done. All moms needs a break :-)
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DP
Hip Chick's Guide to PMS, Pregnancy, and Babies
I feel the same way you do about motherhood...there is always something to feel guilty about. However, I have decided that as long as I am truly basing my decisions on what is best for my children, then I am being a good mom. Don't let the guilt overtake you! It's so easy to do, but focus on the things that you think make you a great mom.
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