What Have I Done??

When Brayden was born I thought I knew what stress was......I thought I knew what lack of sleep was.......I thought I knew what it was like to be stretched to my limits mentally & then stretched some more.  B was colicy for quite a while & his newborn stage was very difficult & some days I thought I was going to crack.  I mean who wouldn't after listening to your baby cry for hours on end & you are not able to do a thing for him??  I thought I knew what stress was, BOY WAS I WRONG!!!!

Let me start this by saying this is just a vent & I love both my boys VERY, VERY much!!  Having said that having a 22 month old & a one month old is HARD & sometimes I ask myself what did I do to our family by having 2 kids so close in age??  Brayden has had the hardest time adjusting to not being the center of my world & although he is of course getting better & even kissing Colton at least once a day now he still has his moments where he is very upset & it breaks my heart to see him like that.  If only I had a few more arms so that I could hold them both everything would be perfect; unfortunately extra arms aren't going to grow overnight so what to do?

I try not to cry when B looks at me, reaching his arms out to me saying "momma" & I am holding his brother (who doesn't nap in the afternoons very well) but it is hard not to sometimes.  He wants me to hold him too but all I can do is sit in the chair, pull him up there with us & hug him one handed & pray that it is good enough & that he knows that he is loved so much.  I know that his jealousy will fade away with time & I know in my heart of hearts that he & Colton will be the best of friends & closest of brothers & that this too will pass but my goodness it is hard.

I am alone with the boys about 95% of the time because of Lance's long work hours & although I knew & of course accept this fact I wish he was here more to help.  I let him sleep at night since he has to be 100% focused at work so I do all of Colton's nightly feedings & although sometimes I get upset that Lance doesn't help...........I don't let him.  I am tired exhausted all of the time & tend to take out my frustrations out on him & that may not be fair but it is part of being married I guess plus it is the reality of him being the only adult that I see on a daily basis!  Thankfully Lance loves me & knows that this is a rough time & also knows I don't mean to snap or fuss at him I just can't seem to help it lately.

The stresses that I have now have doubled from when it was just Brayden & not only is there stress but there is heartbreak for B too.  I would love any suggestions anyone might have on how to show B that he is just as loved & important as Colton is & that will never change.  Right now I am working on getting Colton napping better so that when he does B & I can have "our" time but what do I do until Colton's napping gets better?  He is only a month old so who knows how long it will take.

I guess I will just keep doing what I am doing & before I know it the days will get easier & the boys will be on a schedule & then they will be laughing & playing together.  They will love me no matter what & won't think I am a bad momma for holding one more than I did the other........RIGHT??  We are all going to be fine & these growing pains will be gone soon enough, I hope!

1st Bath

I think that he is going to be a water lover just like B; he didn't cry at all!!

; 22 & 1 ;

The 3rd of each month is going to be a big one in the Goodson household from here on out since it means that both boys are both another month older.

Brayden you are now 22 months old & I am freaking out that you are going to be 2 in only 2 months.  We love you so much pumpkin doodle (yes this is what I call him).  You are such a good & busy big boy & we thank God for you each & every day!!

Colton you are now 1 month old & I also can't believe it; it seems like we just brought you home from the hospital last week!!  It has been a struggle but you are finally sleeping better & I am happy that switching your formula was all it took to get your belly better (still have my fingers crossed he won't be colicy like B).  You are quite the little piggy & getting so big already.......I guess your trying to be big like your brother already!!  Your not big on the paci & you love to be held & bounced when you are tired.  You smile when we kiss your neck & your back is very ticklish.  

Lance & I are truly blessed & just can't believe that we have 2 amazing little boys in our lives.  They brighten our days & fill our hearts with so much love..........being a parent is the most rewarding job I have ever had!!

Coltons Newborn Photos

 

 

  

All photos were taken by CK Photography 

13 Days of Brayden.........Newborn

Jeannie did this right before her little guy's 1st birthday & I loved it so I hope she doesn't mind but I am stealing her idea & am going to spend the next 13 days (12 actually (I will have to do 2 today) - I am behind but give me a break I haven't been feeling well....more on that in another post) looking back at the best & most amazing 1st year of Brayden Lance Goodson's life!!

Yesterday I should have posted this part yesterday.............

NEWBORN

Our little blue boy was born into the world & our lives would never be the same & that was day was PERFECTION!!
Joined our family on August 3, 2009 @ 6:57pm
8.04 Pounds
20.5 Inches Long