It Has Returned..........

The duck tub is back & blown up in the Goodson household; Colton is sitting up (not perfectly but pretty well) so I decided to get it ready yesterday for last nights bath.  Colton seemed to really enjoy his bath but that was probably because he could grab his feet & hold them the entire time.

I was unsure if B would remember it but he did & as you can see he was was excited to see it!! 

I was hoping that I could get B to sit in the tub & take a bath too but he was too busy entertaining his brother to even think about that.

Colton just watch B as he played the duck head like a drum & sang a little song...... 

It was the cutest moment the boys have had since the day Colton was born; B has been taking his time warming up to his baby brother but we are slowly watch them become friends! 

Colton couldn't take his eyes off B. 

I was a special night for me; I love watching them interact with each other in such a touching way.  We have to work on B being a tad bit more gentle around Colton but things are looking up & getting better with these little guys & it couldn't have come at a better time.  Things have been a bit stressful so seeing this a moment like this between my two favorite boys made all that disappear!!

What Have I Done??

When Brayden was born I thought I knew what stress was......I thought I knew what lack of sleep was.......I thought I knew what it was like to be stretched to my limits mentally & then stretched some more.  B was colicy for quite a while & his newborn stage was very difficult & some days I thought I was going to crack.  I mean who wouldn't after listening to your baby cry for hours on end & you are not able to do a thing for him??  I thought I knew what stress was, BOY WAS I WRONG!!!!

Let me start this by saying this is just a vent & I love both my boys VERY, VERY much!!  Having said that having a 22 month old & a one month old is HARD & sometimes I ask myself what did I do to our family by having 2 kids so close in age??  Brayden has had the hardest time adjusting to not being the center of my world & although he is of course getting better & even kissing Colton at least once a day now he still has his moments where he is very upset & it breaks my heart to see him like that.  If only I had a few more arms so that I could hold them both everything would be perfect; unfortunately extra arms aren't going to grow overnight so what to do?

I try not to cry when B looks at me, reaching his arms out to me saying "momma" & I am holding his brother (who doesn't nap in the afternoons very well) but it is hard not to sometimes.  He wants me to hold him too but all I can do is sit in the chair, pull him up there with us & hug him one handed & pray that it is good enough & that he knows that he is loved so much.  I know that his jealousy will fade away with time & I know in my heart of hearts that he & Colton will be the best of friends & closest of brothers & that this too will pass but my goodness it is hard.

I am alone with the boys about 95% of the time because of Lance's long work hours & although I knew & of course accept this fact I wish he was here more to help.  I let him sleep at night since he has to be 100% focused at work so I do all of Colton's nightly feedings & although sometimes I get upset that Lance doesn't help...........I don't let him.  I am tired exhausted all of the time & tend to take out my frustrations out on him & that may not be fair but it is part of being married I guess plus it is the reality of him being the only adult that I see on a daily basis!  Thankfully Lance loves me & knows that this is a rough time & also knows I don't mean to snap or fuss at him I just can't seem to help it lately.

The stresses that I have now have doubled from when it was just Brayden & not only is there stress but there is heartbreak for B too.  I would love any suggestions anyone might have on how to show B that he is just as loved & important as Colton is & that will never change.  Right now I am working on getting Colton napping better so that when he does B & I can have "our" time but what do I do until Colton's napping gets better?  He is only a month old so who knows how long it will take.

I guess I will just keep doing what I am doing & before I know it the days will get easier & the boys will be on a schedule & then they will be laughing & playing together.  They will love me no matter what & won't think I am a bad momma for holding one more than I did the other........RIGHT??  We are all going to be fine & these growing pains will be gone soon enough, I hope!

So Happy This Week Is Over!!

I have had quite a week (again) & actually don't think that it is fair that I have had so much bad luck these past few months; I would like to share my bad luck with anyone willing to have some!!

Monday I got stung by a bee/wasp or bite by a spider on my middle finger; we were playing outside which means we were playing in the backyard then going through the gate & running around the front yard & pulling out all B's toys from the garage too & when I grabbed the gate to open it I think I heard a "buzzzzz" & felt the sting of a bee but was so concerned about B getting stunk that I never looked to make sure what got me.  I thought nothing  much of it, put some ice on it & we went on playing.

That evening when Lance got home from work I told him about it, he looked at it & said it looks swollen so make sure to ice it again when I got up Tuesday & that was that.  Tuesday we ran errands while B was a school & the darn thing itched like crazy & was a tad bit red but it was a bee sting so to me that was normal.  What wasn't normal was when I woke up at midnight from a dead sleep because the itching was out of control; not to mention the fact that my finger was so swollen by this point I couldn't even bend it.  I woke Lance up to see what he thought (I should have done it differently because he thought the baby was coming & jumped up in a panic) & he thought it looked really bad & that I should head to the ER...........so I did!

I got there at 12:45am & got home at 4:15am; somehow what ever got my finger caused a pretty serious infection pretty quickly & they had to give me antibiotics to help.  I hate taking anything while pregnant but of course took this since I didn't want to lose my finger!!  I decided to stay up & not lay back down since I had no idea what time little butt would be waking up that morning.  On top of the fact that I wanted to cut my finger off our little guy got his crib converted to a toddler bed because he was escaping & we were fearful that he would hurt himself while getting out of it.

We actually bought a side rail from Babies R Us for it & decided to use that as well as the top rail from his crib for the time being.  When we just put the side rail on it he would get in & go crazy jumping in his bed & we were fearful that he would fall over the side rail so we put the top bar back on it in the hopes that it would catch him if he did jump & it would also slow him down from getting in & out of bed.  Amazingly enough he isn't doing too bad with the transition & it only takes about 30 minutes to get him down each nap & night......with the exception of last night.  Last night he was in & out & up & down for almost a full hour BUT it is all new to him & these nights are going to happen!!

We made this change on Tuesday before so this was before my visit to the ER Wednesday morning & also before my return visit to the doctor on Thursday because I had an allergic reaction to the medicine as well!!  I woke up Thursday morning & felt a tad off but I just look at my swollen face in the mirror & thought "damn you look tired" & jumped in the shower.  Everything was OK until my belly & thighs were hit by the water & when that happened I thought the water coming out of the shower head was acid.  I looked down & almost had a heart attack because my big ol pregnant belly & down to my thighs was beet red & covered in bumps; couldn't the rash be somewhere else??  Why did it have to be where the baby is??  Why did I have to all of a sudden have an allergic reaction to an antibiotic when I have never had an issue in my whole 34 years of life??  Why, why, why??

I quickly finish in the shower & again freak Lance out when I wake him up & then we both have a tiny panic attack as I call my insurance advice nurse for the next step.  I was ready to jump in the car wet hair & all & head back to the ER but Lance said to wait since the baby was moving & everything seemed normal except for the fact my mid section was on fire, itchy & red.  I already had my OB appt. that morning so they told me to go to that appt. & then head to the adult medicine part of the building for a 2nd appt. to get my ugly rash having skin looked at (one of the up sides to Kaiser is everything is in one building).

The baby is of course fine & I am on the mend now too; both my finger & the rash are getting better slowly & will hopefully be completely gone all together in the next few days.  I am exhausted both physically & mentally & really just want the next 3 weeks of this pregnancy to go with out another issue; I am really hoping that this little guy decides to come all on his own sooner rather than later but my body is giving me the same signals that it did with Brayden which is I am in for another induction so just be patient!!  Either way as long as Colton is healthy I am happy.........BUT PLEASE no more trips to the ER, bug bites, infections, rashes, & PLEASE let B get the hang of his "big boy bed" by the time Colton does arrive just for a tad bit of peace of mind!!

Stressed & Exhausted.........

We have been having the most amazing weather; it has been beautifully sunny, warm & so nice to play outside with B............that was until this past weekend when it decided to get cold & rain storm like crazy!!  When I say storm I mean the house would shake from the thunder & the lighting that came was like a light show; it could be seen through the blinds & curtains both being closed in our bedroom.  Of course all of the heavy rain & storming came during the night hours & thankfully B slept though it all (Lance & the pups did as well) but not me!

I am deathly afraid of thunder; I  have no idea why & don't really try to figure out the why I just wish that what ever the reason I could make it stop.  I HATE it & can't sleep if it is thundering so that means that I am 34.5 weeks pregnant, I have already been sleeping crappy & now the past 3 nights I have slept even worse & I didn't even think that was possible.  I guess I have to admit that last night I think I slept at least 4 hours straight because there was no storm but the 3 nights before that I think I maybe got an hour in here & there & that's about it.  I also have to throw in that Georgia is still getting up & down a good bit after her surgery Friday; I think that her UTI is slowly getting better now that the stones are gone but she is still up 3-4 times a night & of course wants to go potty when I have just dozed off!!

So needless to say I am exhausted from not sleeping & on top of that I just feel stressed; stressed about everything that seems to be going wrong these days.  I know that my stress in intensified because I am so tired but none the less it is there........always these day & I am tired of it!!  I just feel like nothing is going right for Lance & I right now & I am sick & tired of it.  I want to enjoy the last 5.5 (possibly 6.5) weeks of my pregnancy & not continue to feel this way.  I want to smile again & for a whole day (maybe even 2) & not just for a few minutes here & there while playing with B.  I want to look at my hubby & feel the love that he has in his huge heart NOT look at his forehead all wrinkled up from the stresses that we are going through.  I want to sleep.  I want to be able to let it all go, to give it to God knowing that it will all be alright because he has & always will take care of our family BUT for some reason I can't right now & that is making me feel even worse.

I feel sad that we are so blessed but can't find the joy right now..............I mean how can be feel this way when we have this to look at everyday.............

(he couldn't be happier with his 2 favorite things.......a "cup" & a ball)

& this little guy joining us in no time at all??? 

I hate this feeling & have to snap out of it!!  I am sorry for all of the complaining & am just going to leave this post by saying TODAY IS GOING TO BE A GOOD DAY!!!  

Georgia Love........

So this week is not going the way that I had hoped & prayed for it too & after last weeks messes I am feeling very down & am crying a lot; the everyday stresses are just a lot to handle on top of being 6 weeks away from our little guys arrival.  I guess I have to say that I am happy that I have managed to not injure myself in any way, shape or form however our bulldog; Georgia has to have surgery tomorrow & I am pretty worried about her handling the anesthesia (since she didn't do well when she got fixed) & also dog surgery is EXPENSIVE!!!!

She has been going back & forth to the vet for about a month now & they have finally concluded that the UTI we have been struggling to fight off with antibiotics has not gone away because (after doing x-rays Tuesday) they have found 4 rather large stones in her bladder/kidneys & the only way to get rid of stones in a dog is surgery.  Please don't miss understand I am over the moon that they have finally figured out what the issue is & that she will hopefully be feeling better & back to her lazy self very soon HOWEVER our purse strings have been pulled very tight because of her past visits & now this next visit on Friday is going to cost us another $1500...............you read that right $1500 to have 4 stones removed from a bulldog & this is with PetSmart's "plan thingy" that does save us money!!

It isn't that we don't want to spend the money to get her back to her amazingly wonderful lazy self but with the current crappy economy effecting hubby's income, me being a SAHM,  Colton on the way & needing to purchase the remainder of his necessities, the fact that we have already shelled out over $1000 in vet bills & the fact that we just managed to put some of our tax refund money into savings for "a rainy day".............we just didn't want the rainy day to be so soon!  We love our dogs & would do anything for them but goodness gracious this is quite a large expense at a not so perfect time!!

Lance & I have prayed for that she be OK & handle the surgery without incident; we have prayed that this be the last 4 legged financial burden we endure for a while; we have prayed for guidance on how to handle the stresses we have been facing; we have prayed for a healthy baby boy to arrive in a few weeks & for a healthy little boy running around the house; we have prayed for peace on our hearts & we have prayed for so many other things so I am asking for your prayers as well.  I know that people have it worse than we do right now & we are so thankful for all of the wonderful blessings in our lives but it is a rough time for us & we just want to feel some peace in our hearts & heads that everything is going to be alright & that Georgia will make it through tomorrow with flying colors!!

Well, My Monday Really Sucked!!

Yesterday started off to be such a great day but quickly turned into a crappy one!!  B woke up in the best mood & we played for a while around the house & then I decided that we would run our errands in the morning so we could spend the afternoon enjoying the beautiful weather outside.  We got dressed & off we went to Kohl's & the then to Sam's & then our last stop was going to be to Hobby Lobby but we never quite made it there.

We were pulling out of the Sam's parking lot & this happened..........I rear ended this a**hole!!  Here he is getting in his car; do you see that small ding in his bumper that is the damage that was caused to his car by the SUV (the ding in his trunk was already there).

This is the front end of my truck; yes I hit him & yes there is some damage but I hit THAT GUY.......he got out of his car & his first words to me were "I have whiplash".

Here's the deal; we were pulling out of the parking lot & there was no one coming in the lane that we were going to be pulling into so he went & then I started to go as well & when I looked again to check the lane he slammed on his brakes & I hit him.  I could not have been going (in a rolling motion) more than 5 miles per hour & if B & I are feeling perfectly OK then how in the hell could he say he has whiplash??  Why do people these days feel the need to act & do things like I have a feeling this guy is going to do?  Accidents happen & that is why we all are supposed to have insurance BUT that doesn't mean try to get all the money your greedy ass thinks you can get by doing something like that!!  I was not very nice to him when he said that he had whiplash & my not so kind response was "Sir, we were going about 3-5 mph so I don't think that is possible but let's just call the police & go from there".

The police arrived & took our info & mean while I started crying, checked on B for the 50th time to make sure that he was fine & he was just a playing & laughing while watching Winnie the Pooh & then started to clean up all the fruit that was all over the back of my truck.  The plastic containers that fresh fruits come in don't stay closed normally so jar them a tad & you have blueberries & grapes all over your car!!  The policeman brought us back over our information & then explained that on a cad was our police report # & that we could pick it up in 3 days at any Gwinnett location police station; I said OK & thank you & was ready to get B hone for lunch BUT NOT THIS GUY!!

Guy: "I need her info."

Cop: "sir it will be on the police report"

Guy: "where is the report then?"

Cop: "sir, I just told you it will be ready in 3 days for you to pick up"

Guy: "can I pick it up in Lawrenceville?"

Cop: "sir as I said you can pick it up at any Gwinnett police station" (for those of you not in GA; Lawrenceville is in Gwinnett)

Guy: "so I won't get her info today?"

Cop: "sir, it will be on your report"

I just said thank you to the cop & got in my car & waited for this jacka** to stop asking his stupid questions; while I was sitting there watching him talk to the cop he was rubbing his neck & massaging his back the whole time.........I started balling again & just had to call Lance (for the 100th time) & say sorry because this douche bag was doing to make our insurance premium rise as high as he could.  He of course didn't care & just kept saying "calm down, you guys are fine so everything is good".

B & I got home I made his lunch while he watched the Movers & then he ate & was down for his nap like nothing happened; I on the other hand was a mess & had to call my doctor to let them know what happened & when I did they of course told me I had to come in just for precaution.  I knew that was going to happen but still it made the worried feeling I already had worse!!  I called my mother in law & she came over to get B after his nap & I was off to the doctor & this is what happened when I got there........

And unfortunately things didn't look as good as they wanted them too & I was actually having contractions so I was hooked up to this thing for quite a long while.  They did an ultrasound & internal just to check on things too & everything was perfect there so they said that I could go home & not to the hospital.  Their conclusion was that too much stress & a tad bit of dehydration was what was causing these contractions & they were going to let me go home but I have to take it easy & drink lots & lots & lots of water!!  

Colton because of my stress or to B because I hit this guy.  I would never forgive myself if I caused harm to either one of my children in any way, shape or form!!

I am just thanking God that the accident wasn't worse & that we do have insurance & that they are going to fight this guys claims of whiplash if he makes them.  I thank God for slowing my contractions down & allowing me to to go home & relax & that my mother in law was able to make sure that B enjoyed his afternoon & was not effected by the mornings happenings (times like these make me really miss & hate the fact that my mom is so far away).  I just thank God for looking out for us yesterday & everyday..........Lance & my children mean the world to me & I have no idea what I would do if they ever came into harms way!!

Forrest Gump Was Right.........

"Life is Like a Box of Chocolates; You Never Know What Your Gonna Get"

I just wish that my days & nights would stop acting like I just bite into the nastiest crappiest chocolate out of the box.  Everything with B is wonderful (except for his sleeping at night); we have been enjoying the beautiful weather outside & we even had the most amazingly happy & fun day yesterday.  But as far as Lance & I go, we are arguing about everything these days & on top of that Georgia (our Bulldog) went to the vet the other day & $650 later she is 74 pounds & HAS to lose weight ASAP, has a horrible double ear infection & the worst is she also has a UTI that I am about to kill her over.  I know that she can't help it at the moment but she is peeing all over the place & it is driving this neat freak BANANAS!!!

It is mainly at night so it is in our bedroom & I swear no matter how fast I clean it up the smell is still there & it is only getting worse as the days go on.  We took her to the vet on Tuesday so she had an antibiotic shot that day & will be on pill antibiotic for 12 days following but it hasn't kicked in yet so I am setting my alarm to get every 2 hours so I can get her up & outside to try & prevent her from peeing on my carpet BUT IT IS NOT HELPING & I am actually to the point of being in tears over it.  

I am not sleeping well as it is & now this is making it even worse; all I smell is pee & all I hear all night is her moving around so I jump up to see if she needs to go out or just make her get up & go out anyway.  I have had a UTI before; as I am sure many of you have; so I do understand that she can't help it but God please let her medicine kick in very soon so that I can clean my carpet with the steam cleaner (I am doing it today anyway since my pregnancy nose can't take it) & she (& I) can both get some much needed rest & stress relief.  I hate to think about how uncomfortable she might be as well; she acts fine except for not eating normally but I know that she has to be in some kind of pain even if it's just a little!

As for Brayden's sleep pattern at night; it has gone into the crapper as well; I am not sure what is causing it & he is not waking really but he is crying & sometimes screaming/screeching in his sleep on top off rolling around & moving a lot.  I am not sure if it teeth, growing pains, stomach issues, or what but I hate that my little boy is sleeping so horribly & not getting his much needed rest.  He is still pretty much in a great mood most of the time but I can tell he is not 100% & pray that what ever it is that is causing it passes very soon.

I know that married couples go through rough patches & stress in other areas of our life can cause this & some of our fights are about nothing & mean nothing but some of them are very serious.  We have to get through some stuff & I just keep praying that everything will be OK between us sooner rather than later.

I know that this post has been a bunch of bitching & complaining so I am sorry but if you can muster a prayer out for us today I would greatly appreciate it.  I am tired; tired of cleaning up pee, tired of arguing with Lance, tired of not sleeping, tired of being stressed, tired of crying over just about everything (the small & big things are both getting tears these days) & would love just to be able to concentrate on all the joy that we have in our lives now.............please & thank you.  I feel like I can't find the happy right now & even though I know I can't because I have only slept about 10 hours total since Monday, I just want to concentrate on my precious baby boy that I have the joy of chasing everyday & on the little guy that will be here in only 11 weeks.  I want my puppy to be healthy again & give me a break with the pee & I want my relationship with my husband to return to it's regularly scheduled program & get off of the horror channel.  I just want some happy & good days in the near future & don't think that is too much to ask for.

Before anyone says it or thinks it, it is not depression & it is really just stress & a lot going on in the Goodson household.  Stress relief & normalcy are the answers & cures that I am seeking but I just can't find how to relieve any of it at the moment.

Hope you all have a wonderful Thursday & again sorry for all the itching & complaining!!

I Suck & I'm Sorry........

I am being a horrible blogger lately & I am very sorry about that.  B is getting 2 more bottom teeth in at the same time, I am stressed & not sleeping BUT am so tired (not really in the mood to get into this right now), I am almost done with work completely.   I still have 3 days left; not sure if I posted that was working Tuesday's & Thursday's until the end of August because I was sick a good portion of the time when I should have been training........this was a VERY STUPID move on my part!  I promise that I will get back on track very soon & I also promise to start playing catch up with everyone starting tomorrow morning..............

How I Stay Organized.......

Yesterday I was sweetly asked by Rachel over at Happenings of the Harvey's how I stay organized & get so much accomplished in my day to day life & my answer to her was making & completing list after list after list that I create day in & day out.  But honestly I thought about it last night & most days I feel like the most unorganized person to walk the face of the earth!!

I have found that after having Brayden my "pregnancy brain"/memory loss did not go away; I actually think that my once sharp mind has become mush when it comes to remembering things.  Whether it be something that we need for the house, things that need to be done at work that aren't in my normal day to day or just in general things that I need to do I can't seem to keep up with all of it in my head!  As I look at my desk right now I have 6 post it notes on it already today; 1 for a job related thing I need to do, 1 for what I need to get at JCPenny's when I go after B's appointment this afternoon, 1 with questions for the doctor at B's appointment, 1 with future blogs I want to post, 1 with things I am thankful for (for tomorrow's Thankful on a Thursday post) & 1 with my list of to do's for today while at work......I made this one yesterday before I left just in case!  I know myself very well & know that when I forget something or drop the ball I tend to be really hard on myself & hate that feeling so I make lists & try to avoid this at all costs!

The bad thing is that not only do I make lists for myself but I make them for Lance too.........THANK GOD Lance understands my personality & perfectionist ways & loves me anyway because otherwise I think I would drive him crazy & our marriage would surely end in divorce (just kidding......maybe).  I try not to be too controlling & up his butt about things but it seems like we are always on the go or with the new house there is always so much to do & since the hours that we both work are so different & I generally don't see Lance until 8:30-9 at night & by then I am completely fried I think it is better to make him a list for the next few days & spend the time we have together talking about other stuff or doing other things!!

I have to admit when Brayden was born I was so stress because of this; MY issues with control, schedules, & organization would take over my whole day & I would get so frustrated by the end of every day because not only did I feel like I didn't get anything accomplished but I felt like in trying to get things done I missed out on time with Brayden & Lance........it was a vicious cycle that I had to break & did around the time I was heading back to work.  I had to come to terms & accept the fact that I couldn't be 100% organized & the house couldn't & wouldn't be spotless all of the time or for that fact ever again & that was HARD for this new mom to do but happily I have done it & chilled out a good bit (not completely but a little bit goes a long way right?) & now I enjoy every minute I can & have with Brayden & Lance BUT when Brayden goes down for the night or if I can't sleep & get up early in the morning the old crazy woman I used to be completely comes out & things that need to get accomplished get accomplished!

I know to some of you I may sound like a mad woman & you don't understand my need for order & organization in my life (a lot of people don't) but I am fine with that; I have always been this way & don't see it ever completely changing.  As long as Lance & Brayden understand that their wife/mother is a bit wacky & they still love me then I am good to go!!  I try everyday to be the best wife, mother, employee, friend, daughter & person & that is all I can do!!

Song Of The Day: Lee Brice - Love Like Crazy