Let me start this by saying this is just a vent & I love both my boys VERY, VERY much!! Having said that having a 22 month old & a one month old is HARD & sometimes I ask myself what did I do to our family by having 2 kids so close in age?? Brayden has had the hardest time adjusting to not being the center of my world & although he is of course getting better & even kissing Colton at least once a day now he still has his moments where he is very upset & it breaks my heart to see him like that. If only I had a few more arms so that I could hold them both everything would be perfect; unfortunately extra arms aren't going to grow overnight so what to do?
I try not to cry when B looks at me, reaching his arms out to me saying "momma" & I am holding his brother (who doesn't nap in the afternoons very well) but it is hard not to sometimes. He wants me to hold him too but all I can do is sit in the chair, pull him up there with us & hug him one handed & pray that it is good enough & that he knows that he is loved so much. I know that his jealousy will fade away with time & I know in my heart of hearts that he & Colton will be the best of friends & closest of brothers & that this too will pass but my goodness it is hard.
I am alone with the boys about 95% of the time because of Lance's long work hours & although I knew & of course accept this fact I wish he was here more to help. I let him sleep at night since he has to be 100% focused at work so I do all of Colton's nightly feedings & although sometimes I get upset that Lance doesn't help...........I don't let him. I am
The stresses that I have now have doubled from when it was just Brayden & not only is there stress but there is heartbreak for B too. I would love any suggestions anyone might have on how to show B that he is just as loved & important as Colton is & that will never change. Right now I am working on getting Colton napping better so that when he does B & I can have "our" time but what do I do until Colton's napping gets better? He is only a month old so who knows how long it will take.
I guess I will just keep doing what I am doing & before I know it the days will get easier & the boys will be on a schedule & then they will be laughing & playing together. They will love me no matter what & won't think I am a bad momma for holding one more than I did the other........RIGHT?? We are all going to be fine & these growing pains will be gone soon enough, I hope!
I can totally relate. In the beginning (and still occasionally) I wonder what in the world did I do? Did we make a mistake or what... I found it a bit hard to adjust. But I do have to say it does get better. My poor Emma seemed to cry/scream all the time between 3 weeks-2 months...but thankfully that got better. Just know you're not alone in your thoughts.
ReplyDeleteHang in there Momma. I have no advice but just want to tell you I'm thinking of you!
ReplyDeleteGirl, you've got this. Keep telling yourself that. While my boys were both infants at the same time, I still felt the way that you did. It was overwhelming. My husband didn't work late hours, but I would still feel pressured to hold and comfort two crying babies at once, but I only had one pair of hands. The most comfort that I can offer is that it DOES get easier. Hang in there. You're a great mom and you're doing a fantastic job!
ReplyDeleteHugs your way!
ReplyDeleteOf course you are not a bad mommy for holding one more. Every child will have different needs. With us Eli was the one that needed to be held more. And from just being in your same situation myself I can say it WILL and DOES get better. And you know what somedays you do just have to cry. It will help you releive the stress. I did it a few times while having both babies in my lap. Eli was the same way and wanted me to hold him all the time. He would grab my hand and take me over to the baby's swing and want me to put Myla in there and hold him. In my opinion The older child is the one that needs the most attention at this point. As long as Myla got nursed, her diapers changed, burped, and got some cuddle time I knew she was ok. I tried to focus more of my attention on Eli since he is aware and I didn't want him to think he was replaced. I would encourage maybe leaving Colton with a family member at once a week for a few hours and you and B go and spend time just the two of you together. I also belong to a mommy/toddler group and getting playdates set up for Eli was a huge distraction for him. But you know what, even now with Myla being 5 months already we still get the days where Eli just wants to be held, so I will sit him on my lap and have Myla nursing on the other side. ;) Somedays you just got to do what you got to do :) And I know how you feel about the hubby situation too. The hubby is working 7 days a week right now and it is sooooo hard.
ReplyDeleteI feel for you! My little ones are 18 months apart (3 months and 21 months right now). It can get rough, and my husband is home a fair amount so I can't complain...too much, at least! It get's easier, I promise! Once your little guy is a little older and on more of a schedule it will be easier to focus time on each child. There will always be good days and bad, but many many children, including myself, grew up with siblings close in age and we aren't traumatized by having to share our mother's attention.
ReplyDeleteI'm not an overly religious person, but I find that when I am feeling overwhelmed, I say a little prayer, "Dear God, please grant me the patience to get through this difficult moment." and take a few deep breaths. It acts as like a little mental time out for me and helps me to regroup.
oh hun, i'm sorry you are feeling like this :( know you are an amazing momma and that you are doing all you can to be the best you can be!!
ReplyDeletei'm alone with cullen 95% of the time as well. i couldn't imagine having 2. what you are doing is awesome!! i look up to you and hope that i can do the same thing some day. i want my kids to be close in age as well. when B is older he won't remember you not being able to hold him while you were holding C. i'm sure you don't recall any memories from when you 2 years old. keep faith in yourself! i know you are an amazing mom!!! and i'm guessing in time it's just going to keep getting easier and easier! soon the boys will be playing in the yard alone, while you sit back and relax and take pictures of them playing!!
i will be thinking of you and saying a little prayer for a little relief for you.
Hang in there! You are a great mom and you can totally do this! One day at a time, and don't sweat the small stuff!
ReplyDeleteUm, this is exactly what I am afraid of when I think about having another little one. I KNOW that things will get better for you and it will all be smooth sailing (or something like it)
ReplyDeleteThank you ladies; I know that it is going to get better with time & it is just hard at the moment.
ReplyDeleteThe Pacheco's - I wish it was as easy for me to be able to put Colton down more because I too agree that B needs more of my attention at the moment but he seems to have the same belly issues that B had (not as bad or as colicy) but none the less there are times of intense screaming from Colton & I have to hold him & try to help him work it out & of course B doesn't understand that at all. I am hoping that the worst is almost over with his belly issues & soon his sleeping patterns during the day will improve during the day so that I can have more time with B.