Brayden's Is Starting Pre-School

I am almost in tears as I type this but it is what is best for him!!  I know that most 3 year old children start preschool & it is normal BUT B is starting in the actual school system!!  If you read my blog you probably know that B has been seeing a speech therapist for almost a year now & he was diagnosed with motor planning apraxia  & therefore has had a very difficult time communicating verbally.

Lance & I were concerned for a while when he was younger (1-1.5 years old) because he wasn't babbling or trying to talk to us; he was just mainly pointing to get what he wanted.  We spoke to his peditrition about it & he just told us that sometimes it just takes kids longer to speak & especially boys.  We listened & took what he said as what it was BUT we just knew that something was off.  As he got closer to turning 2 he was still just pointing & at this point he was beginning to throw fits & tantrums all the time.  We thought it was the terrible 2 come early BUT we later learned that he was & still is just very frustrated that we don't know what he is trying to tell us so he wasn't ever really getting what he wanted.  It was becoming harder & harder to get through the days because he was always upset about one thing or another & as a family the tension was becoming very bad.

As a mother I knew something wasn't right so at his 2 year check up we spoke to his doctor again but again we were told that sometimes it takes boys longer to talk................not listening to that this time we started B in speech therapy & eventually he started occupational therapy as well.  He started in October of 2011 & when he was approaching his 3rd birthday they told us that B could get evaluated by the school system for a special needs pre school program.  I was elated to hear that he was possibly going to get more help that speech a half an hour a week & OT for an hour BUT I was saddened too.  I was sad that our little guy was having to struggle so hard to do what came natural to so many other kids around him.

It was quite a process; there was the initial evaluation that B rocked (mommy was a wreck though), then there was the acceptance meeting & then came the IEP (Individualized Education Program) meeting which basically outlined B's personalized plan for the school year.  At each of these meetings I cried & I still cry daily about it.  I love my son & will do anything for him & this is what is going to help him tremendously BUT he is only 3 & he is going to be in the big boy school 5 days a week starting September 17th.  My big boy is really going to be a big boy & as happy as I am, I am also overcome with other emotions as well.

B will attend a county special needs pre-K program 5 days a week...........my 3 year old is starting school 2 years early & this mommy is struggling to wrap my head around that.  He is going to get the speech & OT help that he needs & he is going to get this developmental delay under control ASAP; but he is my baby & I am going to miss him.  I hate that he gets so frustrated so often, I hate that he gets stressed when there are too many people in a room, I hate that he has mini panic attacks for so many reasons, I hate that he looks at me & ou comes some babble & I don't understand him, I hate that at 3 years old he is struggling so hard to just get through the day...............I hate to watch my little guys day to day issue BUT am so happy that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Don't get me wrong he has come leaps & bounds from where he was a year ago & he is conquering new words daily but we are still so far from the "normal" vocabulary & have a lot of work to do.  I am proud of him for trying each & every day & for being such a trooper; he has no idea that I worry so much for & about  him & that I would do anything for him.  He has no idea how much he is loved & I just pray that a year from now all of his stress & frustration is gone & he can be the happy little boy that he wants to be.  It is so hard to watch his smiles turn into fear or frustration so often.  We have a long road ahead of us & I am sure that it is going to have its bump but I really feel in my heart that we are on the right road & heading down the right path!!!

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B is Almost 3.....

This amazing little big guy is going to be 3 whole years old on Friday & as I type this I am in tears.  Brayden is so amazing & wonderful & I am sad that he is growing up so fast.  He is so independent & is coming so far with his speech & communication that it is making it more & more clear as the days pass that he is the sweetest boy in the world.

We have gone through some rough times over the past year with Brayden but I see the light at the end of the tunnel & it is very bright & strong because B is very bright, very strong & so very smart.  His frustrations are lessening & his fits & breakdowns because we just can't figure out what he needs/wants are fewer & fewer.  With the help of his speech & OT therapists he is making great strides with his motor planning dyspraxic & sensory issues!!  We actually have an appointment with the school system here in our county to get Brayden evaluated on August 16th (Lance's birthday) & we are hoping & praying that he gets accepted into the special needs program there so that his developmental delay is a thing of the past & he gets "caught up".  I don't know if I am ready for my baby to start school this early & if he is accepted I am sure that his "first day of school" is going to be a hard one for me BUT as his parents we need & want to do everything in our power to make sure that B has the best & brightest future & that he is not anymore behind speech wise as he gets older!!

I have to admit that when I heard his speech therapist say "special needs program" my heart dropped & it was very hard to swallow for a moment.  For a second or two For a day or two I became very narrow minded & childish & thought my child does not need to be in the special needs class...........he is not "like that".  How awful I felt & still feel for being so (again) narrow minded; what was wrong with me right?  Actually, I felt like she was attacking Brayden at that point in time.  I felt like B was a little kid on the play ground & she had just insulted him using the ever evil "R" word.  I felt like I had somehow let B & my family down for not helping him more at home...........I felt like I had caused this somehow & it was all my fault.  Now I just feel like a complete & udder idiot for thinking all of those things & I really look at myself & say how could you, you know better!!  Special needs children whether they have a small or big issue, delay, disorder or whatever are the same as the rest of the kids they just need a little more love & guidance!!  I should be (& I am) so ashamed of myself for having thoughts like I did that day; maybe it was just a knee jerk reaction to the overwhelming worry that I felt for B but whatever the reason my feelings were wrong!

My sweet big boy has the biggest heart & the sweetest smile & although he is talking more & more each day I am still waiting for him to say "momma.....I Love You" all together in one sentence & without prompting.  I think as a mom you die when you hear those words from your child & I am so excited because I know that hearing those words & feeling all the emotion that comes with hearing them aren't too far off!!

Now I have to get some more work done on his pirate party............I am so far behind on it all!!

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29 Months Old ;

I feel like I haven't posted about the 1st Good-son guy in quite a while so let me catch you up on him.  I have always said that he is an amazing little guy but HE IS AN AMAZING LITTLE GUY.  He is so sweet & cuddly.  He has the best belly laugh in the world.  He has a ton of energy which has gotten this momma back to her pre-pregnancy weight & then a few.  He fills my heart with joy & laughter...............until he doesn't!  He has the worst temperament in the world sometimes (thanks Lance).  He will throw the monster truck he is rolling on the TV stand or wall then I ask him to only roll it on the floor.  He will throw himself onto the floor if he hears the word "no" throwing the biggest tantrum I have ever seen.  He will shoot you the look of death just because sometimes BUT he will also now say things that I have been waiting to here since the day he was born............luv u being my favorite!!

In a nutshell speech therapy is going very well & B is making great strides.  Don't get me wrong we have a long way to go but we are getting there & that is what matters.  I feel like we have had to turn his world upside down & confuse him without telling him why BUT it has all been worth it.  His speech is progressing & it is changing him & us each & everyday.  Some days we struggle more than others but again it is all worth it & hearing his little voice brightens my day & melts my heart.  Not to mention it takes a huge weight off of my shoulders!!

I have felt for so long that this is my fault; that B is not talking because of something I did wrong.  I still think that way sometimes but there are other times that I think that he just wasn't ready to talk yet.  He was talking some before Colton's arrival & then he just stopped so maybe he just needed some time & some extra loving.  Maybe it shocked him more than we will ever know & he honestly just was upset about having a brother.  I guess I will never know the rhyme or reason for it; all I do know is what we are doing now is working & soon enough I will be pulling my hair out from all the "whys" & how comes" that kids ask.  I couldn't be more secure in our decision to intervene early.  I don't think that we could have found a better place to take him (Helping Hands Pediatric Therapy)  or found a better therapist in Ms. Lisa because we are just learning so many different & fun ways to learn & teach the Brayden & Colton too.

Brayden is a rock star & in my heart of hearts I know he will do great things.  I hope that he won't remember the struggles that he is going through right now a year from now & only remembers that we love him & always will.  I want him to grow up knowing that his family will always have his back & look out for him even when he doesn't think he wants us too..............& some days he really does look at me like I am a nut job for making him do some things but again it is worth it!!

Enough serious stuff; here are just a few updates on B:

He is wearing 3T clothes

He is in a size 8 shoe

He LOVES to color & write with "his" pen

He is really into Thomas the Train at the moment

He is also really into daddy (probably because momma is really mean)

He loves to wrestle (probably why he prefers daddy because momma doesn't do it right)

He still loves to be outside whenever possible

He still won't eat veggies BUT I am still putting them on the plate

He has not peed in the potty since the "poop incident" BUT I am still putting him in it all day every day

His new favorite toy in his iXL his Grams & Puddy got him for Christmas (carries it everywhere)

He is the best 2 year old that I know & I love his to pieces!!!!

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Speech Therapy & the Word "NO"

In case anyone still reads my blog I thought I would explain why my posts have become short, sweet, boring & loaded with photos............I am slowly but shirley getting caught up on the happenings in the Goodson household but it is taking some time due to the fact that we have started speech therapy with B & it is quite a change for him & us 24/7.  We have been going to his therapist for 5 weeks now, we go twice a week & each session is 30 minutes long but that is only the beginning of what we have been doing.  In each session we work on & I learn new ways to challenge & try to initiate B into talking & I have to do these things day in & out & honestly it has not been easy.  I (Lance too when he is home but with work he's not here all that often when the boys are awake) have been having to change most of B's daily doings with a quickness.  I have had to tell our 2 year old boy that after doing said thing for 2 whole years that he can no longer do it & that he now needs to do it this way & B isn't liking the huge overhaul at all.  I can understand where he is coming from since things that he has done for the last 24 months of his life are now changing in an instant; BUT things have to change for his sake & one day he will realize that I hope!!  The main things that we are working on & learning how to focus, wait, listen to direction & not scream bloody murder when he doesn't get his way..........not too hard right??

In a nutshell we made life easy for B so he never had a need to talk so he just didn't & now that we have started learning the error of our ways & he is hearing "no" a lot more, getting put in the timeout stool & has to at least try to say a word before getting what is is asking for.  I know I should be thankful that the only "issue" he has is the fact the he is hard headed & stubborn (& I really am.......REALLY) since we thought that maybe is the reason he wasn't talking was because he was autistic or something like that BUT this is the hardest thing I have had to do as a mother & most days I feel like a failure.

I feel like this is all my fault & I created this problem & now B is the one suffering for it.  I spoiled him so it is my fault is my basic feeling each & everyday that he looks at me crying & trying to understand why everything has suddenly changed.  I have been told that most children are spoiled but it has no effect or doesn't delay their daily learning BUT B is different he thinks about things in a different way & processes things to his advantage so free play has now become structured & Mickey Mouse, Sesame Street & the Movers have become a thing of the past for the most part.  Structure, Structure, Structure is the way of the Goodson household these days & although it is very hard for B to adjust I see so many positive changes in him & he is starting to talk more too.

My life & every one & thing in it is a blessing.  I hate to admit it but some days I forget that & have to remind myself just how lucky I am to have such an amazingly awesome family.  On the nights (after a very LONG day) when I am feeling defeated & guilty for what I feel is my fault I have started to stare at their monitors & look at their sweet little faces dreaming away & realize I am lucky & we are blessed & this too shall pass & soon enough B will be talking so much that I (& hopefully he) won't even remember just how hard this part of his life was!

What A Week!

Last week was the busiest & hardest week that I have had since having 2 kids!  We have a ton going on with Brayden & of course because of that Colton decided that he was going to start getting up between 3-4am again.......not nice little guy, not nice at all.

Brayden has been a busy little guy since starting potty training; he doesn't like it because it interrupts his play time, movie, show......you name it he doesn't want to do it because there are so many better things he could be doing!  He is getting the hang of sitting there but has yet to actually go.  When he finally does (& I have faith that it will be soon) this momma is going to look like the biggest idiot dancing around, screaming & yelling in praise.  He loves when we clap & say yeah when he does something grand around the house so maybe this will help with this process.  I actually didn't think that it would be this hard to get him to actually pee for the first time; he has been pointing when he has been peeing for a while now.........oh well he'll get the hang of it soon enough.

We have also taken his most prized possession away just this past week; his binky was "broken" on Monday & Tuesday so Wednesday it had to go bye-bye.  He has done remarkably well; yes he still cries for a second for it & he wakes up here & there throughout the night looking for it & get very upset when he doesn't find it but goes back to sleep in about 2-3 minutes & yes it breaks my heart to see him so upset but it had to go eventually so now was as good a time as any!  With all of these changes going on I feel like my little guy is growing up so fast & I have even shed a few tears over it; silly I know but as amazing as it is to watch him grow up it is sad too.

Lastly, on Thursday we had an appointment to get B evaluated with a speech therapist.  At 2 years old he should have a 50 word vocabulary & since he isn't close to that number & we don't want him to fall behind we took him to see someone.  We were also concerned since "Googling" the subject of a few other things that could be delaying him BUT thankfully he is just stubborn & hard headed & it is something that we can work on & he will be caught up in no time at all.  It was such a relief to hear that he is physically & mentally OK; I knew that he was but I guess I just had to hear it for myself.  We will be starting therapy twice a week in about a week; I can't wait for B to start talking to me & being able to communicate when he wants & needs........I the the frustration level in the Goodson household is about to decrease a good bit!

Let me just say that B isn't not talking at all; he is saying things here & there but he's just not talking like he should be so that is why we were concerned.  Let me also say that B was the one that was supposed to be getting the evaluation but I felt like I was the one under the microscope.  I felt like when she would ask questions about what he does, how he is, or how we try to get him to do this or that that it was actually me that she was evaluating.  It broke my heart to think that it could be because I maybe baby him a little to much that he isn't talking.  To think that I could be the reason for him being behind broke my heart; I try to make sure that I "do" what is right for B & C too but is babying your baby actually a bad thing sometimes??  Apparently so........

Don't get me wrong she didn't say any of this, this is just how I felt after the session with her; she actually said that B is just a strong willed chilled.  Hard headed, wants what he wants when he wants it, & just like his father in my words.......maybe B comes by this honestly because of his genes but whatever the case may be we were told that we have a rough few months coming but the outcome will be our little guys voice being heard more & more & the tantrums from frustration will come less & less.

I pray each & every night for God to guide me to be a great mom for the boys, to help me teach them right from wrong, good from bad & how to grow up as amazing young men.  I pray for him to let them know how much they are loved & how much we want only the best for them.  I pray for him to instill in me that I have to be a parent before I am their friend & playmate & to just help me to overall do what is best for them!  Having & raising these to little guys is the best job I am ever going to have & I just want to do right by them & sometimes knowing what is best or right is hard..............I still have to learn to trust my own judgment.