Tuesday, July 31, 2012

B is Almost 3.....

This amazing little big guy is going to be 3 whole years old on Friday & as I type this I am in tears.  Brayden is so amazing & wonderful & I am sad that he is growing up so fast.  He is so independent & is coming so far with his speech & communication that it is making it more & more clear as the days pass that he is the sweetest boy in the world.

We have gone through some rough times over the past year with Brayden but I see the light at the end of the tunnel & it is very bright & strong because B is very bright, very strong & so very smart.  His frustrations are lessening & his fits & breakdowns because we just can't figure out what he needs/wants are fewer & fewer.  With the help of his speech & OT therapists he is making great strides with his motor planning dyspraxic & sensory issues!!  We actually have an appointment with the school system here in our county to get Brayden evaluated on August 16th (Lance's birthday) & we are hoping & praying that he gets accepted into the special needs program there so that his developmental delay is a thing of the past & he gets "caught up".  I don't know if I am ready for my baby to start school this early & if he is accepted I am sure that his "first day of school" is going to be a hard one for me BUT as his parents we need & want to do everything in our power to make sure that B has the best & brightest future & that he is not anymore behind speech wise as he gets older!!

I have to admit that when I heard his speech therapist say "special needs program" my heart dropped & it was very hard to swallow for a moment.  For a second or two For a day or two I became very narrow minded & childish & thought my child does not need to be in the special needs class...........he is not "like that".  How awful I felt & still feel for being so (again) narrow minded; what was wrong with me right?  Actually, I felt like she was attacking Brayden at that point in time.  I felt like B was a little kid on the play ground & she had just insulted him using the ever evil "R" word.  I felt like I had somehow let B & my family down for not helping him more at home...........I felt like I had caused this somehow & it was all my fault.  Now I just feel like a complete & udder idiot for thinking all of those things & I really look at myself & say how could you, you know better!!  Special needs children whether they have a small or big issue, delay, disorder or whatever are the same as the rest of the kids they just need a little more love & guidance!!  I should be (& I am) so ashamed of myself for having thoughts like I did that day; maybe it was just a knee jerk reaction to the overwhelming worry that I felt for B but whatever the reason my feelings were wrong!

My sweet big boy has the biggest heart & the sweetest smile & although he is talking more & more each day I am still waiting for him to say "momma.....I Love You" all together in one sentence & without prompting.  I think as a mom you die when you hear those words from your child & I am so excited because I know that hearing those words & feeling all the emotion that comes with hearing them aren't too far off!!

Now I have to get some more work done on his pirate party............I am so far behind on it all!!