Wednesday, October 21, 2009

So Maybe It's Not Apple Juice.....

Poor little man is still in pain & still has not pooped anything other than marble sized hard nuggets...GRRRRR!!! He is home with his daddy today & if he still hasn't gone by the time he wakes again I am going to have Lance go to the store & get him some prune juice. The doctor said that was an option yesterday but I thought that might be a little to harsh on Brayden but now I have changed my mind all together!!! I feel so bad for him & just pray that he feels better very soon!!

On that note, I am having a hard time finding balance in my new mommy life. I am so tired all the time & I just feel like I don't take care of little man, the pups or Lance the way that I need too. I love them all so much & just feel like I am doing everything half ass because I am exhausted! It is amazing to have Brayden here at work with me but taking care of him & trying to work at the same time is a lot harder than I thought it was going to be.

I know that the last few days have been tough because he is having his belly issues but I just feel like it is always something & is always going to be something....he is a baby & that is just the way that it is. When I am doing work I feel like I am neglecting Brayden & when I am playing & taking care of Brayden I am neglecting my job. Then at home I don't have time or opportunity to show the pups much attention lately & I don't even really see Lance anymore. By the time he gets home from work at 8:30 both Brayden & I are dead asleep; I try to wake up when I hear him come in but I can only manage to say hey & tell him I love & miss him very much.

What do I do?? Lance says that I should just quite but we decided when I was told that I could bring Brayden to work with me that I wouldn't even consider doing that until he was about 6 months old. By the time he is 6 months old we figured we could have money a good bit of money in savings "just in case" something happened...I mean the economy stinks & we can't trust that things won't get worse before they get better & if Lance lost his job we would be screwed!!!

I don't know what to do & I am just starting to feel like a bad mother (to Brayden & the pups), wife & caregiver to my family all together....