Friday, April 9, 2010

Most of the Time I Feel Like a Single Mom.......

Let me start this by saying my husband is amazing; he is the most loving, caring & gentle man I have ever known & not only that but he is an unbelievable father to our son & 2 pups! That being said.....more often than not I feel like I am a single working mom & I hate it & even sometimes resent Lance for working so much. I find myself getting mad & frustrated with him for something that neither one of us can control & that is just not healthy for our marriage!

Nothing has changed with Lance's schedule or even with the amount of hours that he works; actually he works less hours where he is now than where he was when we first met HOWEVER our lives have changed & it seems that I have to manage our home all on my own most of the time. This is in no way Lance's fault but I am finding more & more that I am mad at him & don't know how to make myself stop feeling this way. Let me break down my typical day for you:

3:30 - Wake & get ready for work
4:30 - Feed & let dogs out & make B's lunch & bottles for the day (if I didn't make Lance & I's the night before I do ours as well)
5-5:30 - Brayden wakes up STARVING
5:30-6:20 - feed, dress, play with B & then we are out the door by 6:25
6:25 - wake Lance up before we leave (sometimes he gets up with us to play but that depends on how late he worked the night before)
6:30 - drop B off at school & head to work
7-4:15 - WORK, WORK, and WORK (run all errands at lunch)
4:15 - Leave to pick B up
5 - Arrive at B's school & see that smiling little boy & he again amazes me & melts my heart (this is the best part of my day!!)
5:15 - get home & B is STARVING
5:15-7 - Feed, bath, play, read & bottle for B
5:30 - Feed the pups & let them in & out to potty (we don't have a fence YET & putting them on their runners outside is very difficult while keeping an eye on B)
After 7 - Make dinner & lunches for Lance & I, play & love on the pups, clean up the house & laundry, if B's food is low make more (I try to do on Sunday's but sometimes B eats more & we run out), & try to have some ME time......but it never really happens
8:30 to whenever - Wait for Lance to get home to try & spend a few minutes with him before I pass out from exhaustion

After this very long day I am sure that a good nights sleep would probably help me not be so frustrated the next day but B is still not STTN & it has actually gotten worse since the move. He is not waking up really he is just crying until we go in there & give him his binky & then he is peaceful again but only until he realizes that he has lost his binky again........don't get me wrong I don't mind getting up but it just makes for a very tired mom the next day :)

I shouldn't complain really; I have a wonderful life & am blessed in so many ways but sometimes the sleep deprevation & stress get the best of me & I just can't seem to shake the fact that I feel alone but have no time alone........does that even make sence?? This past week has been the worst but only because of the stress of the move, getting settled & organized in the new house & getting the old house ready for the renters to move in tomorrow! I have talked to Lance about how I am feeling & we are going to sit down this weekend & get a schedule worked out for the mornings & days that he is off so that I can try to have a few minutes to myself & hopefully preserve what sanity I have left :)

For those ladies out there that are single are amazing & strong women & I am in awww of what you do every day of your lives!!

Song of the Day: I'm Alive - Kenny Chesney with Dave Matthews