Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Something Is Wrong & I Don't Know How To Fix It!!

I having been having issues with my self image lately & am not really sure how to get over it; I am 5 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight but I just feel very uneasy with the way I look especially naked. I may only have 5 more pounds to go but I just feel like everything is different & in different places on my body!

I swear that everything just looks different, my skin looks awful & I can't seem to moisturize it enough, my hair is falling out by the clump, my face keeps breaking out, I swear the amount of cottage cheese in my legs & around my belly tripled from what it was before.....I just feel like I look disgusting!!

My legs (right leg is worse than my left) are awful with spider veins & some varicose veins, my thighs are bigger for some reason & I am having trouble with losing the last 5......which is collected around my belly, butt & thigh area I am sure. Lance says that I am more beautiful thaN ever & doesn't even see what I am talking about & when I talk to Brayden about it I tell him how worth it, it all is but "mommy wishes to have her old body back" sometimes........What is my problem & why can't I just get over it?? I have a wonderful loving husband that I depriving of sex because of how yucky I feel & I have a wonderfully perfect little boy that loves me no matter what I look like so why can't I shake this feeling?

I have been working out more lately in the hopes that I will wake up one morning, look in the mirror & actually like what I see again but until that happens I will just continue to pray...I will ask God to help me not be so damn vain (for lack of a better word) & to help me NOT worry about my outer appearance everyday; I pray for him to help me find the inner happiness I had with myself & my body before our wonderful son was born........WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??