Friday, October 22, 2010

Trying Not To Judge........

I have admitted in the past that I am a reality TV junkie & that fact has not changed!!  Our DVR has been or is set up to record wonderful shows like Jersey Shore, Big Brother, Teen Mom, 16 & Pregnant, Amazing Wedding Cakes, Say Yes to the Dress, Hells Kitchen, all of the locations of The Real Housewives, & so many more.  Now that I am pregnant I am finally catching up on them all; I don't know why but I had it with Brayden & I have it now with the new baby............insomnia!!!  I am not sure if it is a good or bad thing but I love that I can watch "my shows" when I can't sleep!!
The latest & greatest location for the Real Housewives is Beverly Hill & I just recently I got to watch the premier & of course loved the show (as I do all of the locations) but I have to admit that I was honestly actually really shocked by one of the ladies on this show.  It was in the mist of a conversation between a few of the ladies Camille Grammer (Kelsey Grammer's soon to be ex-wife)  shocked me.  The ladies were just randomly talking about their children & she says she used a surrogate when having both of her children.  I was trying NOT to pass judgement but was really caught of guard & of course my initial reaction was "how vain can one person be?".
I finished watching the show but kept thinking about what she had said & kept wondering if she did it because of vanity & not wanting to ruin her perfect Beverly Hills body or if there was a real issue that kept her from being able to carry her children on her own so...........I googled it.  I am not sure why but I HAD to know the reason for why she & her husband decided on this route & her reason was she has IBS (Irritable Bowl Syndrome).  So again I googled IBS & found that Irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) is a common disorder that affects the large intestine (colon). Irritable bowel syndrome commonly causes cramping, abdominal pain, bloating gas, diarrhea and constipation. Despite these uncomfortable signs and symptoms, IBS doesn't cause permanent damage to your colon & can be controlled by following some dietary suggestions & guidelines.  All good information right & yeah it sounds painful & quite awful HOWEVER what I did not find is any reason why this condition (however uncomfortable or painful) is any reason for her not to have carried her own children.  So was this a reason for her use so that she really wouldn't be judged for her vanity??  I know that Hollywood is a different place to live in than Buford, GA but women around the world all struggle with some of the same issues & this is a major one as far as I see it!

I guess what disturbed me about this & maybe why I was particularly bothered about this (to the point of using google like a mad woman) was women (like myself) struggle with their body image & self esteem on a daily basis & I know that for me it gets worse while being pregnant.  Let me just say that since I was about 16 I have worried about the way I look & I know that it is not the healthiest way to live but have been working on it this issue over the past few years & have slowly been moving toward seeing my self in a better light & looking more on the inside & less on the outside.  I do not starve myself or the baby but I do constantly worry about what I am eating, how much I should eat, is this better than that, or how much weight will I gain if I do indulge in that delicious ice cream is a day to day struggle that I deal with BUT wouldn't ever change the fact that I love being & feeling my children grow inside my body.

I am sure that there are women out there that have IBS & have gone through painful pregnancy's & I just wonder do they see what Camille used as a reason for using a surrogate as a slap in the face or would they have done they same thing if they too had her money??  I know that it is so wrong to judge & "to each his/her own" but this really struck a cord with me & I just had to vent & get it out. 

I pray daily that God will help me to get over my body image issues & that it happens sooner in my life rather than later; I pray for strength to worry less & enjoy more on a daily basis; I pray that I do not pass these silly & selfish issues on to my children & I pray for inner peace.