Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Stressed & Exhausted.........

We have been having the most amazing weather; it has been beautifully sunny, warm & so nice to play outside with B............that was until this past weekend when it decided to get cold & rain storm like crazy!!  When I say storm I mean the house would shake from the thunder & the lighting that came was like a light show; it could be seen through the blinds & curtains both being closed in our bedroom.  Of course all of the heavy rain & storming came during the night hours & thankfully B slept though it all (Lance & the pups did as well) but not me!

I am deathly afraid of thunder; I  have no idea why & don't really try to figure out the why I just wish that what ever the reason I could make it stop.  I HATE it & can't sleep if it is thundering so that means that I am 34.5 weeks pregnant, I have already been sleeping crappy & now the past 3 nights I have slept even worse & I didn't even think that was possible.  I guess I have to admit that last night I think I slept at least 4 hours straight because there was no storm but the 3 nights before that I think I maybe got an hour in here & there & that's about it.  I also have to throw in that Georgia is still getting up & down a good bit after her surgery Friday; I think that her UTI is slowly getting better now that the stones are gone but she is still up 3-4 times a night & of course wants to go potty when I have just dozed off!!

So needless to say I am exhausted from not sleeping & on top of that I just feel stressed; stressed about everything that seems to be going wrong these days.  I know that my stress in intensified because I am so tired but none the less it is there........always these day & I am tired of it!!  I just feel like nothing is going right for Lance & I right now & I am sick & tired of it.  I want to enjoy the last 5.5 (possibly 6.5) weeks of my pregnancy & not continue to feel this way.  I want to smile again & for a whole day (maybe even 2) & not just for a few minutes here & there while playing with B.  I want to look at my hubby & feel the love that he has in his huge heart NOT look at his forehead all wrinkled up from the stresses that we are going through.  I want to sleep.  I want to be able to let it all go, to give it to God knowing that it will all be alright because he has & always will take care of our family BUT for some reason I can't right now & that is making me feel even worse.

I feel sad that we are so blessed but can't find the joy right now..............I mean how can be feel this way when we have this to look at everyday.............
(he couldn't be happier with his 2 favorite things.......a "cup" & a ball)

& this little guy joining us in no time at all??? 

I hate this feeling & have to snap out of it!!  I am sorry for all of the complaining & am just going to leave this post by saying TODAY IS GOING TO BE A GOOD DAY!!!