About 2 weeks ago we decided to start Brayden on some sleep training since the amount of times he would wake up each night was between 6-10; I read up on the Ferber method & decided that it sounded a bit extreme & that we would try a modified version of it & hopefully he would start to STTN very soon. What we were doing was working wonderfully & we were on a roll last week but then he caught a horrible cold & it all went down hill this past weekend! He wasn't feeling good & couldn't breath well out of his little nose (especially at night) & I was very concerned & he looked so darn pitiful that I went into check him, rock him, give him his paci...whatever I thought he wanted I did or gave to him this past weekend. I never have & never will let him cry when he is not feeling well; in my mind there is something wrong with letting my sick baby boy cry himself to sleep!
Brayden is feeling better & almost 100% again so we decided to start again on the sleep training last night.............HOLY CRAP am I tired!! He was up & screaming I think about 5 times but I managed to only get up twice. I got up the first time after he had cried for 5 minutes straight & I only went in, gave him his paci & told him I loved him & he was back to sleep in about 10 minutes. Then I got up the second time (about 2 hours later) when he had cried for 15 minutes straight....I mean non-stop screaming & yelling type crying; I got up after the 15 minutes & again only gave him his paci & tell him I love him & then I went back to our room. He screamed for about another 5 minutes & right when I was about to give in to my little man he stopped; it was so crazy he just stopped crying & started to babble a bit & then he was out. He cried (not screamed) 3 more times (I think it was 3) but these times he only did it for about 5 minutes & then he was back to sleep all on his own.
I didn't get up the last 3 times & the whole time I was watching the monitor I was trying to convince myself that I am not a bad mother for not going to him, he is not going to think I don't love him anymore.....I tried to convince myself that he was still going to smile at me with that big gummy grin & love me in the morning & you know what HE DID! He still loves his momma & gave me the same big, happy, & beautiful gummy grin I have gotten every other morning; it is crazy how his grin reassured me that I was a good mom!!!
It didn't shock me that I would have a problem with letting him cry but it shocks me on how much I felt like a bad mother for doing this; having a child is hard & making the right choices on what to do & not do is even harder......I know I am not a bad mom but look at his little face & tell me how am I supposed to let him cry??
Song of the Day: Sugarland - It Happens