Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Weekend Review

So this is being posted a bit late & I am not sure if it is because I am just that tired from not sleeping or if it because I really just wish this past weekend could have just been skipped. This was the weekend of our friends bachelor party & needless to say (as posted in previous blogs) I was not thrilled about it at all. Needless to say the weekend came & went & was horrible all together.

Friday night was hard because I just because I was already having anxiety about Saturday, Lance & I were fighting about the party already & he slept in the bedroom & I slept on the sofa.....I was crying & couldn't sleep so I just stayed up watching TV until I dozed off sometime in the early morning & then woke up from what I think was a sound sleep to a contraction at about 4:30. They have been coming & going for a while now but I am still not having more than 5 an hour so as the doctors say....."There is no need to call them or come in". So anyway I zoned back into the TV & there is NOTHING on that early in the morning on Saturdays. I woke Lance up so that he could get ready for work & I just couldn't look at him with out getting upset so I just didn't talk to him at all & then left for my normal Saturday errands. He sent me a sweet text telling me that nothing was going to happen at the party that night & also thanking me for helping get everything together food wise for him that day. Yeah, yeah I don't know why I helped get the food & stuff for a damn party that I didn't approve of but I can't help the fact that I love Lance & will always help him out when he needs it. So anyway, we go back & forth all day about the stupid thing & we talked on the phone....text each other & finally I just said "it is what it is & you are going so lets just drop it", I really couldn't handle the tension & stress of fighting anymore & thought that if we stopped talking about it I would stop thinking & crying over it....that didn't work though.

Lance got home from work early (about 3) & started to make sure that he had everything packed in his bag & ready to go so that when the guys arrived to get him he was ready. He sat me down on the sofa & told me there was nothing to worry about & to please trust that....but I just had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach about the whole thing but so then he said that he would call & text me all night & if I needed him to just call & he would be there so; I tried to be OK when everyone got there but it was all fake & right when they pulled out of the drive way I lost it yet again. The night went as I expected & he called only twice & didn't answer any of my texts so needless to say I didn't sleep a wink Saturday night either.

He called me Sunday morning at about 8 & said that he would be home soon so that we could talk & spend the day together....that statement made me nervous...what did we have to talk about & why was he not staying up there for the day like planned?? My mind went crazy with thoughts. I reminded him that I had to go to Carrie's Bridal shower at 1 so not to bother to come home; I told him that I didn't really want to see him nor spend the day with him since he couldn't keep his promises about calling & answering my texts. I also asked him if he watched the "stripper show" & when he said he did I really lost it & told him that staying away from me for the day was probably best since he apparently couldn't keep that promise either & that was my biggest issue with this whole party. I mean, I didn't like the fact of him being on a boat, at an overnight trip any way with the contraction issues that I have been having but throw alcohol & hookers into the mix & that is just over the top for me at this point in the pregnancy & in our lives. I am usually a pretty understanding wife but "HELL NO" to this whole damn situation!!

So I had to make a desert & appetizer for the shower..it was a put meat on her future hubby's bones themed party so we were all making dishes & bringing the recipes to the shower & I had to do that before I could even think about getting into the shower & getting ready & I was so upset my hands were shaking like crazy the whole time I was making everything. I finished everything & put it in the fridge & then got in the shower & right when I was about to get out I saw him walk into the bathroom & I got so mad again I just started to cry & shake all over again. I didn't say a word to him & just got ready to go. I got ready & still had about 30 minutes before I had to leave so we ended up talking & he tried to say sorry & I said that wasn't going to work or make things all better & just pointed out that he never should have gone to the damn party knowing how upset it made me & you know what, he said I was right......then I just lost it. Why did he have to go to the damn thing to realize that I was right all along about him not going?? Why does he do stuff & then realize "you know what that probably wasn't the best choice for me to make"?? WTF??? I had to leave & go try to be social at Carrie's Bridal Shower & I did a damn good job until one of the girls (whose husband was also at the bachelor party) said...."well I guess that some people had a better time than others last night on the boat"....stop the presses what does that mean?? I looked at the bride to be with a stunned look on my face & said someone needed to ask her what she meant by that statement; I didn't know her so didn't feel right being the one to ask. So Carrie said what do you mean & she said the her husband got home about 7 & told her some stories but that she shouldn't repeat them because she didn't want to get anyone in trouble.........then why the hell she she say anything at all? I couldn't get out of there fast enough. We still had to do games & presents but after all was said I done I was out & had to get home & find out what really went on. I walked in mad as hell & he was sleeping & all I could get out was "what the fuck happened at this damn thing that I need to know about?" & then broke down in tears. He tried to come hug me but I wanted no part in that I just wanted to know what happened......so he proceeds to tell me that the hookers did their show & then one of the guys asked them to come back after their 2nd show was done later that night & 1 of the girls actually did come back & hung out with them for the rest of the night.....ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? This is what I told him would happen....he says that he didn't hang out with her & that he and 3 other guys just grabbed some beer & went to our boat (which should not have been there anyway) to hang out so that they could not be involved in that debacle. That is all well & good but why did someone not ask her nasty ass to leave...it was a bachelor party & there are not supposed to be any women there; let alone a woman that takes her clothes off for money & does lord knows what else for more money! At this point I was livid, heartbroken, confused & so many other emotions that I just had to go in the bedroom away from him & take a few deep breaths because I had a really strong contraction going on at this point.....I stayed in the bedroom & he came after me to make sure I was alright & of course I wasn't but we talked & talked & talked about what happened at the party & how it made me feel & how Lance needed to start making decisions that are less selfish. We are working through everything of course but I can't help but be so very hurt & angry by the whole situation.

Am I crazy to be upset by this whole situation?? I am 33 weeks pregnant having issues with contractions, he knew I didn't think him going was a good idea, nor did I approve of the stripper part of it, & then he didn't call or text me like promised too so of course my pregnant brain thought of so many things that were happening the whole night. It was not the right decision for him to make & he admitted that only after the fact.......AM I NUTS, why didn't he realize this before & just not go??