I felt like a dumb ass yesterday at my appointment; I actually started to cry when she said that there was still no dilation. I don't know what came over me but I just got so overwhelmed by her words; we talked before she actually did the exam & she said that she would strip my membranes if I was dilated so that we could maybe get things headed in the right direction & that got me excited but then she did my internal & no dilation so no membranes were stripped. Then we talked about what we would do if there was still no progress at my 40 appointment next week & she looked at me straight in the face & said that we wouldn't even really worry about doing anything until I was 41 weeks & all I could say was OK......well I got dressed, walked out to the receptionist made my appointment for next Tuesday (my actual due date) & then walked out to call Lance & I just lost it on the phone with him. I was so upset; I am not rushing Brayden but my goodness I am so uncomfortable & so tired since I am only sleeping about 2 solid hours a night..........all my midwife had to say was you had dilated to 1 & I would have been A-OK; all the thoughts of shooting pains & uncomfortable contractions would have faded away & I would have smiled from ear to ear just for 1 tiny cm.
I am happy that Brayden is comfortable & that his little heartbeat is so strong BUT I am ready to deliver, meet & hold him. I told Lance last night that I don't want to talk about it anymore like we have been, I just want to go day to day & when I am having contractions I will let him know & we will go from there; I then of course proceeded to say sorry to him & cry because I was being unreasonable & silly.....I am not even at my due date & I am like this; I am sure that Lance is not looking forward to having to deal with me if I go over our EDD :)
I am still going to continue to do what I have been doing if not more; I have to keep myself busy & preoccupied for the next 7 days & I have actually been really enjoying all the walking that we have been doing SO I am going to try not to think about D-DAY & just stay as busy as possible & hope for the best!!!